It have been years

July 19 2008 emotions

Today is the day that i feel that i have lost everything.......i felt a sense of emptyness inside me as i was browsing through the years that gone behind of me. It is already 2 years pass since i wrote anything in this dreadful unpopular blog. During this life journey there have been happyness and sorrow. The wonderful things in life that revolve around me is that i meet many new and wonderful person during this lustful journey , the sorrow part is that i have lost so much during this journey of wisdom. The truth is, somethings just wake me up after i watch this cantonese drama series call heart of greed although it is not exactly what happen to me but somehow it can be related to what i have experience during this last two years. Heart breaks, friendship, failure, determination, and most importantly family. The characters in this movie does make me feel a little numb.This begins 2 years ago , when i met a wonderful group of friends which i call 'astro 9' yes those were the days that i could really tell them everything from tip to toe. I thank you all for being there for me, then there were the 'Klang kaki' which yes included the generous but annoying adrian, those wonderful football night and last minutes assignment practices are memoirs of great value. Further on , the group shrink starting with the 'Astro 9 ' when i did something foolish that i believe some of you knew. And then there were the klang kaki the last moments in Genting were great as i still remember we were playing black jack till 4 am in a mamak stall losing ten of dollar buying each other teh panas. Once again i thank all of you for all the wonderful memories there, then there were the darker sides of things, losing someone you love and cherrish most, losing friends thats were so close and yet so far. Losing your family trust, being a failure and outcast in life, trying to be someone that is totally not you. Most importantly losing a bunch of friends again and again and again. Then there were the MMEC boys, although i am not really close to this bunch but in dash of time, i realise we had known each other for almost 3 years, i remember the days i approach you daniel and seet, tell all the cock and bull of how i was interested in cars..... and well 2 years later, i was left alone in taking over the club,First of all i really want to thank Keshy for all your patients and enthusiat, you taught me what i need to become and you show me how. I really understand how hard it is to become a president. Then there was "Autofiesta" the day i look foward most and you know what i was totally disappointed by it, i cried silently in my heart hidding myself from my members, and mile really shook me up when he qouted this word 'saya amat bangga denggan kamu semua, you all did it at last' i stare at him with disappointment and reply 'why you said that, it was worst than last year far more worst than any previous years' he reply with a laughed and said 'No i think it was a success who can bring this much amount of cars and press when there was two major event going on today' i cried silently again. Such passion was shown by a man who only help us with the stage. And yes from that day onward i swear not to fail again. Not to disappoint anybody. And then again i fail in my life, my education i practically failed everything thing that i touched. From my hobbies, studies,friendship, business and even relationship i am a failure and still do. But i will never give up, because i know the feeling of disappointment all to well that the only strength in me left. But how long will determination hold..... at a point when life just suck to the max.

to be continue